How did I get here?

Oh....my gosh you guys. It's official - I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life - with the exception of when I was pregnant.

182.6 lbs to be exact.

That may not sound bad if I were 5'10 but I am barely 5'3 (more like 5'2 but I round up). Let's review the cold hard facts.

1. Last year at this time I was pregnant and I weighed in at about 179-187lbs (in the final month). That means I am about 5 lbs lighter than I was when I was carrying another human in my belly.

2. I live in pretty much all black (it's sophisticated, right?), stretchy dresses, leggings, yoga pants, and since it's Fall - tights/Spanxx/slimming body suits to try to hide the lady lumps that have not gone away since I gave birth in November of 2011. I make sure to always keep my make-up looking good, pile on the David Yurman and Tory Burch flats and try to make my "bling" distract from my huge boobs, big ass & lumpy belly.

3. My face is full, my arms are fat, my stomach is saggy where I had my c-section, my legs are flabby but they may be the only thing that I don't dislike looking at in the mirror, I've never had firm/muscular legs.

4. There are barely any pictures of me & my daughter that were not taken on my iPhone, from a flattering angle & cropped within an inch of itself. That makes me sad.

5. I've had this blog since 2006. It started as a Weight Watchers blog, I had some followers and met some great ladies. I was so desperately trying to get down to 130 lbs (from 144) - if I could go back & appreciate that 144 lb body, I would in a heartbeat. I just want to be back in that place.

6. I am sick of wearing things to hide my body. I am sick of wearing dresses and tunics that I wore when I was PREGNANT. I am sick of pinning things on Pinterest that I know I could never squeeze my fat ass into. I am TIRED of being this weight.

7. I have not exercised in over 2 years. I used to exercise several times a week. The guilt has gone away & I am just now a person who does not exercise.

8. Enough is ENOUGH.

Weight Fluctuations

1. When I started this blog in 2006, I weighed 144 lbs. This was my high weight - with the exception of a semester in college where I got up to 163 but immediately cut out carbs and lost it.

2. With exercising 3-5x a week I got down to around 134-39 for a few years

3. I met my now husband & my weight started to fluctuate between 135-140.

4. My all-time low (as an adult) was 132. At that point I was running - which I forced myself to do & actually really dislike - and doing Weight Watchers (no meetings though). And honestly, I would eat an entire bowl of brocoli for dinner some nights with spray butter all over it. It stunk up my house but kept me full and not put on weight.

5. I got engaged & got back into eating things I knew I shouldn't. I got up to 152.

6. I went on the Special K diet (aka starvation) and was down to 142 for my wedding day.

7. Weight slowly crept up to 162 which is what I weighed in February 2011 when I got pregnant.

8. My highest weight being pregnant was 187

9. I lost 23 lbs after giving birth - 164lbs at the end of November 2011.

10. I gained back about 23 lbs -  187 was my high in August

11. I have lost and kept off 5 lbs.

12. Current weight: 182.6

Plan
1. Count calories
2. Exercise
3. Cut out the alcohol

Wine
1. I definitely love me some wine. It's a nice way to unwind after a long day. It takes the edge off. It's fun to drink while watching reality tv. But it's empty calories and at this point I do not need any unnecessary, extra calories in my diet. 
2. No more wine, no more beer, no more alcohol for a while!!

I really hope this little old blog can keep me accountable like it used to. Stayed tuned for a seperate post on what I've eaten today...

   Wish me luck...I need it.